Thursday, February 23, 2012

Watch What You Say!

When we become parents we have to make a lot of changes and adjustments. We don't get to sleep in (or at all) anymore. Dinners out are often put on hold until a sitter can be found or the kids are a bit older. Movies? Yay, right. Once you have children you realize the importance of a nice home theater set up and good Internet connection. There are LOTS of things that change, and as your baby becomes a toddler your language is one of the big ones. Only when you hear your little one parrot back the expletive filled tirade directed at another driver, do you fully realize how much of a potty mouth you really have. Of course some of you perfect parents out there are thinking I have NO idea what you're talking about. You lie. You know you do.

It's hard to hold your tongue sometimes. There are times that call for, as Kirk explained  to Spock, colourful language. Those times are not going to magically disappear because you now have kids, in fact they are probably going to increase. To help you vent those frustrations without actually swearing, here are some useful substitutions for common words that are not child friendly. You're welcome!

  1. Shatner instead of Sh*t. As in: "Holy Shatner! I think I just saw something on the wing of the plane!"
  2. Frak instead of F#*k. As in: "What the Frak were you thinking sticking a fork in the toaster!?"
  3. Gorram instead of G0D D@mn. As in, "Where are my Gorram car keys?"
  4. Smeg. It kind of means it's own thing, so it's very versatile. For example. "What the smeg? You are a total smegging smeghead!" Have fun with this one. Get creative!
  5. Belgium. Well, if I need to explain this one we don't know each other very well.
  6. Smurf. For when a little blue language is what's required.
  7. Zarquon. Only use this when you don't mind looking like a total nerd.
  8. Shazbot. A good substitute for SOB. Again, kinda makes you sound like a nerd when used.
Use these words well and may peace be with you. If not, well, just use these words well.

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