Sunday, October 16, 2011

The Dead Walk Again! Don't Forget Your Rules!

Since The Walking Dead is returning to our TV screens tonight, it seemed only prudent to go over some of the rules that will keep you alive during the inevitable zombie apocalypse. These rules, or Rules (I think they might be official in nature) are brought to us by our good friends in Zombieland. They are as true today as they have ever been. To deviate would be setting yourself up as zombie snack food. There are thirty two Rules in total, but I'm only going to mention the top five, as I have canned food and ammunition to hoard. Hey, they aren't going to hoard themselves ladies and gentlemen! Here we go:

1. Cardio - This is one of the big ones. They can't devour you if they can't catch you. However, whether you're dealing with fast or slow moving zombies, your cardio only has to be better than the guy next to you. Keep in mind this is only a short term strategy. As the zombie hoards grow, you'll eventually be standing alone, so you better get it up to snuff and fast!

2. Double Tap - Unless you've been living as a total hermit and recluse, a life time of movies and TV has probably made this common sense. Two in the head, make sure they're dead. Never assume they're dead! I mean dead-dead. Not dead-but-then-decided-to-go-for-a-stroll kind of dead. The old fashion kind. If you want them to stay off your lawn once and for all, shoot them in the head; twice so they get the point.

3. Beware Bathrooms - The obvious reason for this is how vulnerable they make you. Small spaces, only one exit, lots of hiding places. Let's face it, no one wants to be caught with their pants down. However many overlook another important reason. Sure, the dead may walk due to some egg salad sandwich gone horribly wrong or a wayward military experiment; that's just common knowledge. Have you really looked, I mean looked at a public bathroom. There is a good chance that these filthy disease factories were ground zero in the first place.

4. Wear Seat belts - Life, and death I guess, is unpredictable. You never know what it's going to throw at you. Literally. You could have exploding debris rocketing towards you, the undead bouncing off your vehicle, and any matter of other life jarring occurrences. The lasting thing you want when the walking dead swarm you is to be halfway through your windshield. It's safety people, plain and simple.

5) Know Where Your Towel Is - Because nothing Douglas Adams suggests can ever be wrong. The man was a fricken genius!

For a complete list of The Rules click here.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Beauty Is In The Eye of the Beholder

I was watching 127 days with my hubby yesterday, which is a great movie btw, and there was a scene that brought back so many memories for me. The main character wakes one morning to find sunlight pouring into the canyon in which he's trapped. It looks beautiful! It flooded in like liquid gold; filling the cold dark crevasse with warm hopeful sunlight. After so much despair, it must have been an emotional moment for the character to see something so wonderful. If he stretched his leg out he could get fifteen minutes of sun on his skin.

It reminded my of one of those moments that takes you completely off guard. They sneak up on you when you're busy doing other things, which is why they are so poignant. While waiting in a dark restaurant to order lunch, I noticed a ray of sunlight illuminating the corner of a table not far from me. It's stupid, I know, but it filled me with an absolute joy and peace I rarely feel. Especially in our busy work-a-day lives. My eyes actually got glassy! The restaurant staff must have thought I was crazy. Here was this lady who is at the same time smiling and fighting back tears. Sometimes you just aren't prepared to see something truly beautiful.

I was also reminded of a commercial that seemed to emphasise this point. It was really hard to find and I think that they've changed the music since I first watched it. It is to date one of my favorite commercials.

Friday, October 7, 2011

My Social Butterfly

When my first daughter was born I was very nervous. I didn't want to leave the house or get to know other moms. Many people urged me to; but I always find it hard and awkward to meet new people. Quite often I say something wrong or weird and come off looking like a crazy person. If not crazy then at least terribly uncool. Plus, I never have anything to talk about. I'm awful at making small talk. I avoid hair cuts. Being held hostage in a chair and being forced to "chat" fills me with dread. I maybe get my hair cut twice a year. It takes me that long to gather enough interesting, "non-crazy" things to talk about for an hour. My point being it's easier to just stay home and avoid all that messiness.

My daughter was very nervous around anyone other than my husband and my self. Starting at four months mere eye contact with someone else would send her into tears. Even people she saw on a regular basis. This went on for for months and it got me to thinking. "What if she's never comfortable with anyone? What if she, like me, just finds it easier to avoid everyone altogether?" I thought about this and decided I didn't want her to be like me. It can be a very lonely and anxiety filled existance. I mean come on! You don't get your hair cut because it means talking to someone? That's ridiculous! As much as I personally hated doing it, I had to get out and take her with me.

The first time I ever took her grocery shopping she was over six months old. Hey, it was a start. Later we signed up for a music class with my sister-in-law and her son. That wasn't so bad, she actually enjoyed it. Feeling emboldened we later signed up for another music class when she was fourteen months old. She just watched at first, she's a watcher you know, but a few months in she started to come out of her shell. One class she entered the circle of kids and parents and started dancing! OMG! We stayed with that music class until she was two and a half years old. Later we went to art class, dance class, ballet, soccer, and later preschool.

She's now three years old and the most confident and outgoing person I've ever met. It might not have anything to do with the classes themselves. I think they were a great facilitator to get us both out and involved. You learn by doing. You learn A LOT by doing the things you're afraid of. She is fully booked up with playdates and parties. She has lots of friends at school and is in turn a good friend. Always encouraging and caring with those having trouble adjusting. I've learned to be more confident and have met some tremendous people. Not only do I leave the house, but I'm more comfortable with who I am. Still crazy, but I'm OK with it.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Bacon, Let's Not Fight

Bacon: Hey Jen
Me: ...
Bacon: Pssst! Jen!
Me: *sigh* What???
Bacon: Would you like some bacon?
Me: No, not really.
Bacon: Oh, come on! Just a little bit!
Me: No. Go away.
Bacon: Well at least cook us. We're not going to last in the fridge forever you know.
Me: That's an awful lot of bacon. I don't know....
Bacon: You could keep some to crumble on salads. That's not so bad.
Me: True. A little bit on a salad is ok. Um, alright then...


Me: Wow, that's a lot of bacon.
Bacon: Yeah, that's way too much for a salad. You should eat some of us.
Me: I don't know..
Bacon: Sorry, what??
Me: Do you think so?
Bacon: Absolutely! Waste not want not, right? Why not put some in a wrap? Wraps are healthy...ish. TV says so.
Me: I could do that...I a wrap...
Bacon: Add some lettuce too if you want.

Me: OK...Oh there isn't much bacon left.
Bacon: No. No there's not. Seems hardly worth keeping really...
Me: Maybe I should just eat it...
Bacon: What???
Me: I'm just saying there isn't a lot left, I wouldn't want to be wasteful or anything...
Bacon: You should just eat us. You know you want to.
Me: I hate you.
Bacon: What did you just say?
Me: Shut up bacon.

<< Later >>
Scott: Where's the bacon
Me: Shut up Scott

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Be Glad I Don't Have Super Powers

I don't know if it's just me, but it seems to me that where I live, the people are the worst drivers! They don't seem to think or plan a head, tail gate, drive too fast/slow, and are generally oblivious to all other traffic on the roads. As soon as we get a little rain or snow it's so much worse. This is Ottawa people! We live with craptacular weather about eight months out of the year! EVERY YEAR! None of this is new, yet you'd think people retain some of the experience they gained only a year ago. Nope.

I'm a perfectly reasonable person (shut up DH), most of the time. When I get in the car, however, that seems to disappear. People drive me nuts. Usually there's a bit of swearing involved and handgesters. About ten or fifteen minutes in I thank God that I don't have super powers. If I did, a lot of blind justice would be dished out. By "blind" I mean "random" and by "justice" I mean "carnage". The population would drop dramatically every day around rush hour. Of course if you're a good driver, is this really a bad thing? In a few weeks I could change your hour bang-your-head-on-the-steering-wheel drive downtown to a relaxing fifteen minute cruise.

Now let me tell you about the grocery store...