Sunday, October 16, 2011

The Dead Walk Again! Don't Forget Your Rules!

Since The Walking Dead is returning to our TV screens tonight, it seemed only prudent to go over some of the rules that will keep you alive during the inevitable zombie apocalypse. These rules, or Rules (I think they might be official in nature) are brought to us by our good friends in Zombieland. They are as true today as they have ever been. To deviate would be setting yourself up as zombie snack food. There are thirty two Rules in total, but I'm only going to mention the top five, as I have canned food and ammunition to hoard. Hey, they aren't going to hoard themselves ladies and gentlemen! Here we go:

1. Cardio - This is one of the big ones. They can't devour you if they can't catch you. However, whether you're dealing with fast or slow moving zombies, your cardio only has to be better than the guy next to you. Keep in mind this is only a short term strategy. As the zombie hoards grow, you'll eventually be standing alone, so you better get it up to snuff and fast!

2. Double Tap - Unless you've been living as a total hermit and recluse, a life time of movies and TV has probably made this common sense. Two in the head, make sure they're dead. Never assume they're dead! I mean dead-dead. Not dead-but-then-decided-to-go-for-a-stroll kind of dead. The old fashion kind. If you want them to stay off your lawn once and for all, shoot them in the head; twice so they get the point.

3. Beware Bathrooms - The obvious reason for this is how vulnerable they make you. Small spaces, only one exit, lots of hiding places. Let's face it, no one wants to be caught with their pants down. However many overlook another important reason. Sure, the dead may walk due to some egg salad sandwich gone horribly wrong or a wayward military experiment; that's just common knowledge. Have you really looked, I mean looked at a public bathroom. There is a good chance that these filthy disease factories were ground zero in the first place.

4. Wear Seat belts - Life, and death I guess, is unpredictable. You never know what it's going to throw at you. Literally. You could have exploding debris rocketing towards you, the undead bouncing off your vehicle, and any matter of other life jarring occurrences. The lasting thing you want when the walking dead swarm you is to be halfway through your windshield. It's safety people, plain and simple.

5) Know Where Your Towel Is - Because nothing Douglas Adams suggests can ever be wrong. The man was a fricken genius!

For a complete list of The Rules click here.

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