Blink

Now that the kids are quickly closing in on three and five years old, I've had an opportunity to reflect on what it's like to raise two small people. Up to this point of course. There are many more challenges and rewards to come. There are so many little things that make them uniquely who they are. Many memories of  "appy ju" and crossed eyes. Wrestling them away from the park and sending tiny people off on the school bus for the first time. Lot's of everyday memories of sisters growing up together and becoming best friends. There are lots of fantastic rights of passage when raising a little person or two. There are also some that are best avoided but, for some reason, many new parents find themselves pulled into.

 One of the things I won't miss are the so called "Mommy Wars" that seem to preoccupy the lives of many new parents, especially moms. In one moment, an innocent search on the Internet for advice, can turn into a battle of who's right, who's wrong, and why you should feel guilty about every decision you've made thus far. Do you breastfeed or bottle feed? WHY? Do you sleep train? Do you use a soother? Yes? No? WHY? Cloth or disposables? Epidural or natural? Co sleeping or crib? WHY? Here's a hint; everything you answer is wrong. At least that's how it can feel at the time. Everyone with a keyboard, Internet access and an opinion is suddenly a "expert" and will feel compelled to educate you in the correct way of raising your children. In as much has the Internet can be a great resource to find support and common ground, it can also pull that ground out from under you if you let it.

Now that I have the benefit of hindsight, I'm amazed, truly amazed at how utterly insignificant any of that is at this point in time. The battles that people waged online defending their own positions seem like tiny wars waged by ants. Sure a big deal for the ants, but in the great wide world, it's a tiny ripple. It may be reassuring to know, if you are a newer mom or still well immersed in babies and toddlers, that this will all pass. Not even with a bang or a whimper; but more with a disregarded fizzle. Your life moves on. You're occupied with other things, including your own life, not that solely of your children's. When your kids are three and five, no one cares if you breastfed. No one cares when they were potty trained. No one cares when they finally slept through the night. Why? I don't know. Perspective I guess. The point being at some point we all move on, so don't sweat the small stuff. You may as well get a head start worrying about how you're going to pay for their university tuition.

Deep Breath. Start Again

Today's start was such a tease. Miss. A woke at seven, and Baby K slept in until eight. Woot! I was allowed that most coveted of experiences the morning shower! Not having to wait until naptime or night is a rare but welcome treat. Before eight in the morning I was showered, dressed, looking and feeling human again. Today was going well! It was going to be awesome! Somewhere the universe was quietly laughing at me. It rapidly went down hill from there. I won't bore you with the details. It would take too long and eventually you would lose focus and start thinking about other things. Let's just say it ended at the park with two little girls competing to see who could throw the biggest tantrum.

Amongst the sand, tears and runny noses I started to feel a little sorry for myself. Some days seem to go so well and others are so hard. That's probably when I take to the internets in search of sympathy and solidarity. Otherwise I would probably stand in the middle of the living room and shout "YOU'RE ALL DRIVING ME CRAZY!!" Which I think we can all agree is not the most mature and motherly thing to do. Honest, yes. Probably the most honest, but not the best. Quite often the internets don't disappoint. Often a few people have been in the same boat and post words of encouragement. Sometimes, when maybe I've been complaining a tad too much, they thankfully post nothing at all. Any responses would have to be along the lines of "suck it up princess". Which, ultimately you have to do. Stay calm and carry on.

Though, in those stressful moments (days, weeks...), I feel somewhat overwhelmed, later I calm and put it all in perspective. I have a good family and support system. My kids, though trying like any others, are good kids. I might be having a bad day, but there are others out there facing hardships every day. Many are not as fortunate as me. I don't have to worry about food, doing it on my own, health problems, and so many other things that seem to define the lives of other people. It isn't always easy, but nothing worth doing is. I wish I would remember that and have it at the front of my consciousness always. If I did, maybe the "hard" days wouldn't really seem that hard and I could just enjoy what I have every moment. Tomorrow is another day.

Deep Breath. Start Again.